You just never know...

You never know what you will see or hear in the country.

Let's start what you will see. As the saying goes, "Toto, I'm not in Kansas anymore". I have lived in Kansas but in this case, I thought to myself "Toto, I am not in Chicago anymore"! I am driving to work this morning, cruising along on the backroads, jamming to the radio, when I see movement up ahead. I slow down, figuring it is a dog (see a previous blog on my feelings on this concept). I am near an area where they leave their dog out and said dog has been known to be in the middle of the road, or alongside the road, which is still a scary place to be, if you ask me. But as I approach (this all happening in seconds), I see it seems bigger. I should have had my glasses on and then I might have reacted sooner. But, my mind says "what IS that?" knowing now it is NOT a dog. Then I say, out loud in my car, (excuse my language), "Holy Shit, those are cows!"

Yep, loose cows alongside and on the road. (I have never seen this!) This, I find, is a much bigger problem than the dog. What the heck do I do? I slow down, of course. I roll down my window -- why? I have no idea. To talk to the cow? To reason with the cow? It seemed like a good idea at the time. As the first cow looks me right in the eye, I decide that maybe the window should be closed, and I seal her up! I slowly drive as the cows are inching along the side of the road, and some from the middle of the road are deciding if they want to move or not. About six cows...loose! I am literally laughing out loud.

First, I take out my phone to take a photo...because this is clearly blog worthy...then I call Josh, and in my laughter, I simply say "I am on the road and there are cows loose. Cows! In the middle of the road." I don't know what to do ... I don't want to hit them, and I certainly don't want them to get mad and ram at my car. Josh says they have not been known to charge at a car, but you never know. It would be my luck that I would be the first. So I slowly ease past them, looking, laughing and not believing this. Josh asks me where they are, and says he will call someone. Um...okay... that's so wild to me. How do you know who they belong to? And, you just call, and say what... your cows are loose and they are freakin' out my city girlfriend? Maybe he found another way to express it. When I get to work, now late, I explain to my assistant why I am late. While she chuckles, and seems to show empathy towards my plight, this seems to be a reasonable explanation for being late around here.

 Other times, you never know what you will hear. Sometimes I feel like there is a language that I have not learned, and I am trying to keep up with the interchangeable terminology. Sometimes it is simple, sometimes it is complex. Sometimes it makes sense, and other times...!

Josh and I are talking last week about a piece of furniture in our house. I am talking about moving it, and he is explaining why moving it might not work. In the middle of the discussion, free flowing about said piece of furniture, he says "hall tree". I stop him and say "what did you say?" He says, 'The hall tree." Um... okay... where I come from, we call that a "coat rack"! But, to his logical credit, it is normally located in a hall, and I guess it looks like a tree... so hall tree. Got it. Who knew?!

Other examples I am learning about... (there are more every day but I can't recall them all now)
Should we meet for supper? (This actually means dinner...the evening hour...)
Should we meet for dinner? (This actually means lunch...the afternoon meal)
Are your folks coming to town? (This means parents)
We need to get fuel. (This means we are going to the gas station for gas)

And the crick means the creek... that one I will never get...

Maybe On Star Can Save Me?!

I am sure, no matter where you are from, when you give directions to an "outsider", it makes sense to you. I try to remind myself of this. I mean, I am from Chicago...so how does it sound to people when we say "Take I-55 North until you get to the 294 junction, then merge right and you will pay a toll..."? Sounds easy enough... but maybe not to someone who comes from the country.

So...when I decide to embark on a road trip to Burlington, IA (to go to Kohl's), I assume it should be easy. I casually say to Josh, "To get to Burlington, I head towards Macomb..." and he immediately chuckles (only slightly) and tells me "No. You don't go towards Macomb." Okay. Hmmm. How do I get there? Josh proceeds to say bits and pieces like this... "Go down the road, past Mike's house, past Jayden's house, take the first gravel road to the right. Take it and follow it straight when it turns to black top." Through the conversation, I get other directions like, "When you see the big yellow building, make a left."

The thing is -- most of the time, I can follow that, which is very odd to me. That's how people give directions around here. There's not a lot of streets being used, and it's more about landmarks. Landmarks, I am not really familiar with but seem second nature to others. Needless to say, I do my best to keep up. I followed his directions, despite being nervous, despite the rain, and I doubted myself at one point -- I called him, only to have him reassure me that yes, I was going the right way. Okay! (He checked on me four hours later to make sure I made it... a little delayed but the Bears were playing...)

I got to Burlington. Eventually found Kohl's. Started to travel home. I had lost my way so I had to use some GPS guidance on the way home. The GPS does not know the same directions as Josh, so I am routed home a different way -- I don't care. Probably not the shortest, best way, but gets the job done. Alas, when I get close to town, I see the exit off the highway -- one way to Monmouth...one way to Macomb! I confront my lovely fiance later, again stating that you can obviously get to Burlington by heading towards the direction of Macomb (just as I thought), to prove I am not totally losing my sense of direction in the country. He conceeds...yes, you can, but not really from our house... But, it can be done. Again, not the best or shortest way, but a way nonetheless. I wonder if I will ever learn? It's hard on me, as an independent person, to not be able to find my way around. I have never had this much trouble - it's really hard when it all looks the same...and now it is really confusing because harvest has started so corn is missing every day when I drive around -- so much for my self made landmarks!

But, I am a determined girl and I am not prone to giving up -- so when I decide to try to take a Zumba class in Kirkwood, I figure I can find my way. I didn't get a chance to ask for directions this time -- but I have mapquest, my phone, and a GPS...and Kirkwood is suppose to be small and just 15 minutes away. Piece of cake! Not so much. The streets on the mapquest directions did not exsist in the country -- where they may be calling it Kirk Rd. or North St., it might have been Rt. 165. Who knows? All I know, is those directions were thrown out and I was beginning to panic. The phone let me down, with the map showing me completely off course, but the nice red push pin highlighting where I was SUPPOSE to be in Kirkwood. Just as I am about to give up, I see a sign: "Kirkwood" with an arrow to the right -- I swing a right. I figure, once I get to town, I can surely find the Kirkwood Gym.

Funny thing happens in the country vs. the city. When you grow up in a certain atmosphere, you have images in your mind of things -- so when you hear them in a different enviornment, you still get a visual of what to expect. I am here to tell you, that visual is wrong 90% of the time. Kirkwood Gym for Zumba class. For my city friends, I picture a smaller version of Bally's Gym or Gold's Gym -- something along those lines. I wasn't naive enough to think it would be that big, especially in such a small town...but "gym", makes me think of that vision.

Driving through Kirkwood, I had plugged in the GPS. It squaks at me "You have arrived". I pause. "I have arrived?" Where? I look around. I don't see a gym, and I fear the GPS has also led me astray. Then, out of the corner of my eye, I see something...could it be...ahhh, yes... the Kirkwood gym...

Yep. A small red brick building, with a small white sign above it, hidden in the trees. I park (no idea where to park) by a church, cross the road, enter in a nervous fashion, only to find a gym...literally...where I later learned my sweetness use to play basketball growing up. A gym. What else would I have expected? Why was I surprised? Simply stated - a gym is just that, a gym, where one plays basketball and there are bleachers. Again, gets the job done for Zumba class, but not what I was expecting.

More lessons learned. I need to alter my visions and expect the unexpected. And, as we look at new cars, I need the Chevy vehicle with the On Star version programmed for the country roads please...

Warren County Prime Beef Festival

A five year old pokes her hog to get it to move; children chase after chickens; a calf has glue on his back; cars crash into each other in mud on purpose...all this, my friends, is the madness of the Warren County Prime Beef Festival.

Oh yes, it was the most interesting week ever -- I have never seen anything like it. If you haven't heard, Josh's family is very involved in the festival, and has been for years. If you have further been following my new life, you might have also learned that this is the festival that Josh will be President of in 2014. Since we will be married by then, I will be the First Lady of the Warren County Prime Beef Festival, I suppose.

Okay...let me begin. First, we go to the hog show. For those of you who are ignorant about the country, like I was, here's the scoop -- you raise a hog (a pig) and then you train it to be shown. You enter a ring with others in your pig class, you poke the pig with a stick, all the while trying to walk and look at the judge, who is walking around the ring...judging your hog. I am not yet sure what makes a GOOD hog -- has to do with weight and shape, as Josh tried to explain. The judge also tried to justify his picks, and for the record, I often picked the pig that placed, so I now think I could be a judge. But even one more, I loved this, and wanted to show my own pig. I learned, however, that adults don't show...so I just informed Josh that our kids would be showing pigs. He looked at me, lovingly, and said "where we going to put a pig?" Hmmm...that is an issue, but if we just leave the dog running around outside here, we surely could just find a spot for the pig to hang out, right? Details... to be addressed later. In my country ignorance, I asked Josh what happens to the hogs now...he hesitated just a moment, and then broke it to me gently that they were going to be loaded in the trailer that was waiting and sent to the butcher (to be auctioned off later in the week). WHAT? All that work and the pig becomes bacon for you to eat...apparently some good bacon from what I could tell. I don't know why this surprised me but it did...

The parade was awesome -- I love a good parade and Monmouth does it right. I did inquire why in the world the parade starts at 5pm when people have to work -- how do they get home, get their families, etc. (For the record, the parade was the only thing, I believe, that started on time this week.) Josh informed me "the whole town shuts down" -- so basically, everyone leaves work but me. But I did. Don't want to miss a good parade! Finding a seat could be a challenge, as it is crowded and seating is at a preminum -- especially if you are a city girl trying to get pictures in her first year. However, if your future mother-in-law has been involved for years, she goes where she wants to go -- and she takes you with her. So, what do you know...you end up sitting at the judges stand, which is perched upon a flat bed semi trailer that we have to climb up in via ladder. Best seats in the house, she tells me, as I am about to crawl into a hole.

The funniest thing, without a doubt, that I have ever seen in my life up until this point is a chicken scramble! Again, for those ignorant to this concept, is goes like such...they separate by boys/girls and by age group, and each group gets their turn. They let the chickens loose, they let the kids loose -- and it's a scramble. The kids try to grab a chicken, take it to the center ring, and get $1. Yep...all this excitement for one dollar! One dollar. I still laugh as I write this. Josh asked me if I wanted to try, the princess and her court asked me if I wanted to try...I said, no thanks! I just laughed and laughed. It's too funny. Some kids are excited but scared, so Josh and the others help them catch their chickens. Catch their chickens. Seriously. And when they catch a chicken, most often, they have to hold them by their legs, upside down, and carry them.

Time now for the imfamous calf tagging -- the long awaited event that my fiance took charge of. (No, I didn't put the glue on the calf -- and he says it is not as easy as it sounds...wonder why? That calf has to be mad!). Once again, for your education, a calf has glue put on his back and tags are stuck all over him (think there was over 40 tags). The calf is let loose -- and mad -- and runs around -- getting madder as it is chased and cornered. The kids -- 11-16 yrs. -- are let loose and chase the calf, who is faster than I expected. I have never seen a cow run -- have you? The stakes have increased friends, if these kids grab a tag, they get $10. It happens very quick (the cow is probably glad for that), and then it's over -- also very hilarious to watch!

Our final weekly highlight -- the demolition derby. I have never seen a demo derby -- how many of us have? I would guess not many. Josh MC's this event -- he even gets the crowd to do the wave. He's loud and crazy, but it seems to work. This event really brings out the crowd -- in fact, this week really brings out the crowd -- it you ever wanted to people watch, this is the place to do it. Back to the derby...different rounds of cars -- old clunkers, get into the track, which is full of mud, by the way (back to that later), and try to crash into each other until only one car still moves. Josh sometimes forgets details, forgetting that I am "new" to all this -- and to his credit, he was busy last week. No one mentioned the mud -- the mud that gets stuck under the driver's tires as they spin, and then gets flung at the crowd when they accelerate. You wouldn't think mud would go very high or very far, but I am here to tell you it does. I tried several locations to sit, and none were safe. None. I wore a trash bag dress at one point (which didn't protect my hair) and probably became the laughing stock of Warren County (bless Josh's heart for being seen with me). Eventually I went into the track shack to try to be safe, but even the mud flies in there. Oh, and if the track dries up at all, to make it more exciting, we use fireman's hoses to wet it back down...just in case you wondered how long this mud was involved.

There is also a fair, of course, with rides, and fair food -- so we ate healthy all week...not a true fact -- have you ever had a fair corn dog? If not, you better check it out -- trust me on this one!

As funny as it was, it was also fun. It's great to learn the traditions of a new community. And, I learned a great deal about agriculture. I was really intrigued by the cattle and hog auction, where farmers bid on these animals (FYI -- the cattle were already on the trailer to head to the butcher to join the pigs) and these kids make a lot of money from this process. All in all, I was able to really see the pride of what this community is about -- and it is rooted in agriculture, of course, but I was truly able to see how the foundation of agriculture makes this town what it is. It gave me a new appreciation for a farming community, and for what Josh loves and why he loves it.

Now, I have learned a few farm lessons to make me a more well rounded future farmer's wife. I can't say that I fully fit in yet but I think I was integrated fairly well this week -- and people only laughed at me about 75% of the time -- and I laughed at this festival about 90% of the time -- but what great memories that Warren County brought to my life last week. Now we need some much needed rest this week, after we eat our hamburgers with bacon on them...