The Incidents

How can all these things happen at once? I am trying to be a quick study and a good "country" gal, but it's a challenge.

Let's begin with what I call incident #1...my fiance and I have a conversation:
J: Do you have any tupperware containers or aluminimum pie plates?
M: Why? (Thinking of my tupperware containers I just got from my parents).
J: I need them for something outside.
M: Why? (Why do I keep asking why...that's my first mistake)

I get him two Glad containers and ask what he is going to do with them (and tell him that I likely never want to see them in the house again anyway, regardless)...and before he can answer, I tell him that I don't want to know. I watch him get two of my Pepsi's out of the fridge, and then curiosity gets the best of me. I ask, "what are you doing?" I don't want to know, but I have to know.

He proceeds to tell me that we have raccoons in the tree outside, and they are now eating the corn. So, he is putting Pepsi in tupperware containers and putting them outside by the tree. Why? (I ask again). The raccoons will drink the Pepsi...and they can't burp...so they will explode and die.

I stare at Josh. Are you kidding me? (That's what I think). What I say is, "Who is going to take care of their exploded carcusses?" Yeah. Oh, and this gets googled to see if it is true -- there are disputes on the internet about this technique. But needless to say, we lost two cans of Pepsi and I think we still have raccoons...

Incident #2...Trash. We burn our trash here. I know some of you can't comprehend that, I still have trouble with it myself -- you have to think alot more about what you are throwing away, that's for sure. We (well...I...) made a mistake once by putting the trash bag in the garage until our next "burn" and it leaked food and smelled. So, as I am departing for the weekend and taking the trash out (Josh is already gone), I am not sure what to do. I am perplexed -- I can't leave it in the garage again. I can't leave it outside, by the garage, because the animals will get into it. So, I think it is wise to take it to the trash burn bin, (not sure if that is the actual name) and set it inside of there, even though we are not burning it yet. Fast forward to Sunday when I return home before Josh (thank goodness!), and much to my mortification, I see the trash bag split open and trash all over...apparently the animals can still get into it in the trash burn bin. UGH! I decide I better get this cleaned up before Josh wrings my neck. So I go to burn the trash -- with matches, which I am not good at -- and get a very hot fire started...before I picked up all the trash (dumb), and therefore, I can't pick up the trash anywhere close by or I will burn my face off. Burning trash = awesome....

Incident #3...The skunk. He's dead. On the road. Birds are feeding on him as I drive up. Why worry...he's dead. For the record...your car will smell like a skunk even if you drive over a dead one. Apparently his stinker gland was not dead. Yuck. And I park in the garage. I begin to tell Josh about all these adventures, and he says "what was incident #3?", patiently, as always. And I simply say, off handedly, "it involved a skunk." He says, "You hit one?" and I say, "Not exactly. It will be fine." He smiles, and says, "Your car smells like a skunk and you parked in the garage." Oops...I simply smile and say, "Oh no, no problem." And then spend the next day trying to air out the garage not to smell like skunk. Seriously...

Let's hope that is all the incidents for this week. I sheepishly tell my stories to Josh, and he consistently smiles, demonstrates patience, and says "It will be okay. You'll learn." Yeah...I'll learn...the hard way most days apparently!!!