We live in an older farm house that we are updating as we go. We have a stubborn storm door. It's not in the best shape and it does not seal well. It has been known to blow open with a strong wind, leaves and other debris can sometimes be found in the mud room, which leads to our door to go into the house (up four stairs), and the door makes noise a lot. Josh is always saying "we need to get a new door". However, in the big picture of life, a door is not your priority really.
The other thing you should know is my fiance and those in the "neighborhood", have been known to play pranks on each other from time to time. They warned me about these pranks, as I am not necessarily a fan of pranks. But boys will be boys out on the farm.
Yesterday, I came home from work. I was distracted, talking to my sister on the phone, juggling my work bag, our mail, grocceries, including milk, and I threw the door open, ready to tackle the stairs, barely glancing downward. I saw it though...out of the corner of my eye. A snake. Laying there on the second step.
I didn't scream or even react. As I said I was on the phone with my sister. In my head, I said "Oh, that's not a good prank." Josh, my fearless fiance, is not scared of much, but he did tell me about his fear of snakes. They give him the creeps, as they do for most of us, but they REALLY freak him out. They did for my grandpa too -- you couldn't even talk about them. So I understood. So when I see this "snake" laying there, I assume his buddies have played a prank and put a rubber snake there for him to find. I decide (all in my head as I am talking to my sister) that I need to get it out of there before he gets home, as he will not think it is funny, and that's just the kind of helpful fiance I am. Plus, he's working late hours so he would come home in the dark and see it, which would only make it worse.
I stumble into the house, put the bags down, still talking to my sister and open the door leading back to the steps and the mud room to get this stupid rubber snake out of there. As I step downward towards it though, it moves. Maybe? Just a little. Did that just really happen? Surely I am now freaking myself out. So I stomp my foot a little harder on the next step, and the snake moves for real...and now I scream and gasp...and my sister wonders what is going on. Oh crap. That's a real snake...practically in our house!
Now I don't love snakes, but I am still thinking it is my responsibility to get rid of this thing before Josh gets home. But I tell my sister, I don't have a clue how to get a snake out of your house. She helps me brainstorm, but with our city ways, we really don't have a clue. So I stand there staring at it, while it peacefully lays near the door of our house. How did this darn thing get in here? All I know is that I can't just put it right outside the door as it will be back.
I hang up with my sister and I make the dreaded call to my fiance. He's in a tractor, I can hear it, and I sweetly say "I hate to bother you..." I know he will not want to hear this news. I don't need him to take care of it, as I know this is his worst nightmare (one he is not afraid to claim, even in his most manly moments), but I need advice. You see, in the city, we don't find snakes in our house often, and I don't know what to do or who to get to help me. This is not welcomed news to my fiance. He wants to know where it is, how big it is, and I can tell from his voice that this is not going to be a good situation. I offer to take care of it, I offer to call his dad, I basically offer to do anything I can to help...but he says he is on his way there, and I should just "keep an eye on that little bugger". So I wait and I watch him.
As Josh arrives home, he cautiously pushes the door open to peek in at this snake. A snake I have been close to many times already (and am so thankful was off to the right hand side or in my distraction of getting into the house, I would have found said snake under my foot! Then I might have been the one who needed counseling instead of my fiance). He calls his friend, Sean, to come help. He is surprised how close I will get to the snake, so I try to help with the process as best we can, as Sean is 20 minutes out and this is a crisis.
If you don't know Josh, you won't know that he opposite of me in many ways. He's the calm one. He's the laid back one. He's the one with patience. He teases me about my lack of these traits sometimes, especially patience. My friends, I want you to know what I saw in that moment was none of those traits -- and it was glorious! He was not calm and he was not patient. He couldn't wait for Sean, or come up with a plan with me. We paid the price. He got brave and went after the snake, with much struggle and much swearing. We got the snake outside, which was good, but the snake got pissed. And as we struggled to get it into a container to dispose of it, the snake slithered away -- yes, slithered so quickly in the blink of an eye. My fiance did not like this -- he got pissed right back. He went after the snake, calling him a lot of names, and stepped on his tail with full force. And that is when I had to look away and cringe. Yuck.
So I thought we were done, except for another animal carcuss. But apparently stepping on a snake does not kill him, and Josh moved his foot...and the snake left. But by leaving, I mean he slithered alongside the crack in the foundation by the house, getting away or at least burrowing himself into a new location. This did not make Josh happy at all. (I wasn't thrilled either). He said he did not want that snake getting into our house, into the basement, and I could finally agree with this thought process. But he was gone. We couldn't do anything.
I suggested we spray Raid in the crack. This is often my solution for unwanted pests, as my K-State staff will recall a certain gecco getting into my apartment and my mad Raid skills taking care of him. But, apparently this is not the solution for snakes in the country. He is very concerned about this snake, when Sean finally arrives. They hatch plans but none of them work because, as I get down on my hands and knees near the foundation crack, with a flashlight, I inform them that the snake is gone. Nothing there.
Josh says he now has to hire an exterminator. (I want to laugh but I don't). Um...okay. I understand this fear. I really do. Because I don't want a snake in our house, nor do I want many other things, like mice. I remind him though that I have seen a dead mouse in the basement, and no one seems concerned about that. He said "Dead mice I can handle. Live mice I can handle. Not a snake." Okay. I get it. But when I don't want the mice, I hope we get as urgent about the exterminator as we are in this moment -- and if not, I will show him this blog as a reminder.
It gave me the creeps. I almost reached out and grabbed that snake thinking it was a prank. I would have been traumatized. As a loved one told me, "With the bird and now the snake, I would be OUT of there!" Farm life. Although Josh says that is not it -- he says he has never seen a snake there before. Well, it does stay in your mind, although we were not allowed to discuss it anymore. The snake, similiar to Voldemort in the Harry Potter series, is he-who-shall-not-be-named in our household. When I left this morning, I did look down at my feet through my journey in the mud room and out the door.
And, after much chaos, drama, swearing, fear, and panic...Josh says we are getting a new door THIS weekend!
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